Dealing with mental health in a pandemic

I’m not an expert of psychology in any way. I was also very lucky in the past, as I never had to endure struggles that had to do with mental health. So, disclaimer: I’m not talking as an expert at all!

Last week (week 6 of lockdown) I was feeling a bit “flat”: nothing really left a trace on me, neither positively nor negatively. Things just happened and didn’t stick with me: sure, I would be happy to hear my mom on the phone, but the happiness was gone not one minute after the end of the call; I would feel sad not knowing when I’ll be back in Switzerland, but I would stop feeling sad when watching a movie. I felt emotionless and without motivation for anything. It wasn’t a bad feeling nor it was a good feeling. I’m not even sure it was a feeling.

I think I’m good at being in touch with my emotions, and I feel like I learned to control them in a good way. But what to do with respect to apathy? I never experienced nothing like it before. I didn’t even realize I had a problem until I talked about how I was feeling to my co-workers. I spent four days without feeling much and didn’t even notice it. When I realized what was going on, though, I felt lost. Not because it was a bad feeling – again, I didn’t feel much – but because I couldn’t recognize myself.

It was my reminder that even people who normally don’t struggle with mental health can have it rough these days. To think that some of my friends experience this kind of feeling regularly… I can’t put words to this.

How did I come out of it? By knowing myself. For example, I have a rule to always let myself “do myself” and feel emotions that arise, without analyzing them: this time I decided to let myself feel the numbness. Last Friday, I did not do anything, and did not allow myself to feel guilty for the lack of emotions and motivation. I just existed for one day without judgment towards myself. But I also decided that on Saturday I wanted to bounce back; to do so, I forced myself to confront the frustrating thoughts that had been arising in the last weeks and I was keeping bottled up. Feeling negative emotions was much better than not feeling anything; thanks to that, on Sunday I was able again to feel positive emotions and went out for a (rigorously socially distanced) drink with a friend of mine. I feel like I’m back.

I realize that this may not be a good way for others to come out of those situations. The thing that saved me was to talk to friends once the problem presented itself to me. I didn’t deny it, I just accepted it and moved to change the situation. I was lucky, though, because I was tipped off by someone who made me notice that what I was describing wasn’t normal. Don’t assume everyone knows; don’t assume everyone has the strength to get out of it alone; be kind, help each other.

I try to tell my story out loud because it’s important to normalize the discussions surrounding mental health; it’s important to consider that everyone could be struggling. I hope I won’t be in that situation anymore (but I may), and I’m just happy if I can help others by sharing my experience.

• 2022 2
• 2020 4